“Evaluate your parenting pattern and see if you or the media are responsible for bringing up your children.”
This was how a guest speaker at a child development forum tasked parents to check their ‘scorecard’
on the kind of values that they allow their children have access to.
on the kind of values that they allow their children have access to.
Discussions at the forum x-rayed practical realities on ground in the lives of families and the corresponding effect of parenting
patterns on society. Even if some parents choose to live in deceit and denial, the truth remains that ‘you cannot eat your cake and have it.’
patterns on society. Even if some parents choose to live in deceit and denial, the truth remains that ‘you cannot eat your cake and have it.’
The choice to be a biological parent to your children demands your time and bond with them. It is understandable that financial demands push parents out to the fields, but such efforts become futile if the
children for who you claim to be doing it turn out to be a pain because they couldn’t get proper upbringing.
children for who you claim to be doing it turn out to be a pain because they couldn’t get proper upbringing.
Making reference to how parents brought up their children in ‘70s and 80s, it was clear that one of both parents took up jobs
that ensured they were home same time that the children got back from school.
that ensured they were home same time that the children got back from school.
In most cases, the mothers who were known to be home-makers took up jobs that allowed them to have time for their children. During those periods, children enjoyed food cooked with love by their mothers for them, not
just something to manage from the housemaids as is experienced today.
just something to manage from the housemaids as is experienced today.
Children observed their siesta under the watchful eyes of their mothers who also helped them with home-works from school. At that time, television programmes followed strictly, time- belts for children and adult programmes. Children were entertained and educated progressively according to their ages.
When a child erred, the first thing was to ask whose child he was. But today, the issue of family identity is lost. In very many
cases where both parents work late outside the home the children are left in the care of the housemaid who has no idea of what it takes to bring up a child.
cases where both parents work late outside the home the children are left in the care of the housemaid who has no idea of what it takes to bring up a child.
For many children, they have learned everything (good and bad) from the media. A maid’s responsibility is to do domestic chores and not to bring up a child, so no one teaches the child or censors what the child has access to in the media.
Parents who get back home late hardly have time to look through their children’s academic work. They erroneously believe that since the teacher has been paid to teach the child, the teacher should play
both the role of a teacher and that of a parent to the child. It is totally wrong. A parent is first responsible to his/her child before the teacher takes up the responsibility to teach the child.
both the role of a teacher and that of a parent to the child. It is totally wrong. A parent is first responsible to his/her child before the teacher takes up the responsibility to teach the child.
Many parents would agree that a teacher would only put in as much effort in teaching a child as a parent demands, through dedication to seeing how the child fares in his academic work.
On the issue of bonding, it is only a child with whom
a parent creates a relationship that will talk to the parent about challenges
of either peer pressure or threats and dangerous advances from a sexual
molester. It is only when a child has access to quality and benefiting
information that he can make the right choices about every situation that comes
across.
a parent creates a relationship that will talk to the parent about challenges
of either peer pressure or threats and dangerous advances from a sexual
molester. It is only when a child has access to quality and benefiting
information that he can make the right choices about every situation that comes
across.
The theory of ‘selectivity’ has shown that with parental guidance, children can make healthy choices of media and contents they can be exposed. And it is only parents who make their physical presence
available for their children that can help the children.
available for their children that can help the children.
A remarkable conclusion at the child development forum was that, ‘society is only a reflection of how children are being raised by their families.’
This post creates pictures in my head. I feel for kids born in the 21st century. Most Children hardly know any of their parents. By the time they wake up both parents are gone to work, at night, both parents get home after kida have gone to bed.
Infact Eya, my worries about lack of care for children increased after the discussions at the forum. I think that as mothers, we have been tasked to help others who may not know.
Truth is what we are seeing is what life has become. For many, many reasons, good, bad, justifiable or not, we parents are not as ‘present’ for our children as we should be. Our own lives don’t help and then we have technology to contend with.
While me might not be able to control our own lives and the need to work, have nannies and all that, we can control how much time these kids spend captured by ‘technology’. It calls for tough love most of the time. I cannot recall how many times my last born calls me a ‘meanie’ cos I don’t let him touch any gadget or watch TV AT ALL during the school week. I tell him I am even better, some moms unplug it all once school is in session!
There is no easy way round it. Personally, I lean on God a lot as I know of no other Source of help that works. He helps me find special ways to impart knowledge to my kids. He helps me create memories with them in ways I could not have planned myself. My prayer is that many of us mothers would lean on Him more. As much as we may want to help each other, He is the best helper. He owns these children. He needs to help us women. Cos no matter how many times I tell you what you need to do and give you resources, or give you advice to help you IF God does give you a committed heart, help and give you grace, much of it will be in vain………… cos truth is Motherhood, Parenting is not a piece of cake o!
True, Parenting isn't a tea and cake party! Am inspired by your comment that every parent needs the God-given commiment and His help, to achieve 'good parenting'. I am sure a that a number of people would as well. Thank you.
Hi Debby dear, how is your weekend?
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Note(i)
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Note(ii)
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